Second Year Round/Star up in the East (Christmas songs)

I thought I'd put both the Christmas songs I have written this year up now because I doubt I'd have chance for another year. Both the songs are not finished they are rough drafts which I'm not completely satisfied with, but I knew if I don't put them up now then I'd completely forget about them.
The first song 'Second Year Round' is about going through a break up with someone the year gone and having to celebrate the season without them though you still love them. I like to add traditional song elements into my Christmas songs because they make it have that old time feeling. 'Silent Night' is the song referred to in here, though I believe the original song was written after a few days piece between two opposite countries in World War 2, the meaning of the title is altered and now refers to loneliness.
'The Star up in the East' is told from the three wisemens' point of view when travelling to meet Jesus after hearing from an angel that the saviour is about to be born. It talks about putting your faith in the Lord by using the star for guidance instead of a map. It also mentions the gifts they bring for the Jesus and what they represent. I got inspired to write this song when watching a documentary called 'The Star of Bethlehem' I found the documentary really inspiring and recommend it. I'm not sure if all my facts are right because after watching the programme I did a bit of my own research and found different interpretations for the event, for example in what direction the star rose from. So forgive me if my facts are wiry.

Second Year Round

Verse
Can I dance with you please?
I'm tired of dancing with your memory
6 months is that all it's been?

6 months before the Christmas tree
Went up in the house where we used to be
Now I can't say it's been easy

Build
Turn back time
Rebind the bind
Won't you be so kind

Chorus
Silent night, lonely night
Turn off the world, put out the lights
Everyday your gone I count
I'm loving you for the second year round.

Verse 2
Did you get the card I sent
Or have you changed your address again
The words I wrote I really meant

Build 2
Put back the clocks
Unlock the locks
All is not lost

Chorus
Silent night, lonely night
Turn off the world, put out the lights
Everyday your gone I count
I'm loving you for the second year round.


Deleted verse-
Simple songs and candlesticks
Cannot compete with last year
But can you say just what that is.


The Star up in the East

Chorus
No we didn't need a map to guide us on our feet
Just a message from the Heavens and a star up in the East
Frank, Gold and Myrrh are the gifts we bring
If we keep on the track of the star up in the East.

Verse 1
We three Kings are from the east ourselves
We each saw the star rise above the hill.
The King of all kings is soon to arrive
Get the provisions we need and run to the night.

Chorus
No we didn't need a map to guide us on our feet
Just a message from the Heavens and a star up in the East
Frank, Gold and Myrrh are the gifts we bring
If we keep on the track of the star up in the East.
It will show us the way on the cliffs through the bay
Though he's born in the hay oh the saviour will save.

Verse 2
The gold we bring is as bright as the star
for the King of the Earth is what you are.
Frankincense to prove your our Lord,
the Myrrh represents your rise from the cross.

Chorus
No we didn't need a map to guide us on our feet
Just a message from the Heavens and a star up in the East
Frank, Gold and Myrrh are the gifts we bring
If we keep on the track of the star up in the East.
It will show us the way on the cliffs through the bay
Though he's born in the hay oh the saviour will save.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

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Last Years Noel

Christmas is a time for tradition, and every family has their own tradition on this time of year. One of my favourite traditions since little has been the treasure hunt, each year my Step Mum would hide our presents somewhere around the house (or street), she'd also hide a handful of gold stars around the house and each of us children would get a rhyme/riddle which suggests where the star is. Each star contains a letter and once they are all found you arrange the letters to make a sentence which tells you where the presents are...pretty fun ay?? Other traditions are going to midnight mass with my Mum and lighting a candle for the family we have lost in the past, or our Dad picking us up and driving around the streets and towns to look at the Christmas lights. My older brothers and sisters would sneakily poke holes in their Christmas presents to see what they had long before the day arrived whilst Mums old tree would never stand straight and would rest slightly against the wall. Without a doubt Christmas is my favourite time of year and as I get older I have really laboured on these traditions and without them Christmas seems a bit weird. I guess my own private tradition since being a little boy was wishing Jesus a happy birthday, I don't think it is his birthday but the thought still counts. As each year goes by the presents mean less and less to me and the traditions become bigger. I cannot wait when settled to celebrate Christmas with in my own family, whether it be a spouse and a dog, or a spouse and a kid, or a loud mouthed group of nieces and nephews. Each year I intend on writing a Christmas song, last years song I got the opportunity to record which was 'Lonely this Year'. Unfortunately the songs came a bit late this year which meant I couldn't record them, but this song below talks about going home for Christmas and celebrating it rich in tradition.


Verse 1
Call up the Dad hitch us a ride,
Lets drive around town look at the lights,
For once the world is just as bright,
As the moon beside the stars in the sky.

Bring out the coats, pick out the scarves,
Put up the tree and send out the cards,
Count down the days, dig out a path,
Wake up each morning to the dark.

Chorus
This year I find I'm asking for home,
Where the season is merry and you're never alone,
The distant choir hark I hear and the church bells,
On Christmas Day on last years Noel.

Verse 2
We'd huddle around the fires glow,
Gather thistle paint them gold,
Long for someone's arms to hold
and pray for the chance to wake to snow.

 Chorus
This year I find I'm asking for home,
Where the people are friendly, it's been so long and
The distant choir hark I hear and the church bells,
On Christmas Day on last years Noel.

Verse 3/Mid 8
Christmas eve is ending fast,
We light a candle after Mass,
For all those we've lost to the past
And a sad comforting glow is cast.

 Chorus
This year I find I'm asking for home,
Where the trees is half standing and the presents half opened.
The distant choir hark I hear and the church bells,
On Christmas Day on last years Noel.

Karl Smitherman ©

I don't remember if I mentioned this in the last blog, but my new song and first EVER music video is being released on Boxing Day...my gift to you!!! :-D it's called 'Man of Kent' which I think was the first song I wrote about, I believe its Blog 2 if you're interested.



Below is last years Chritsmas song 'Lonely this Year'...

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I found Christ today

Since moving to Guildford the Cathedral has been a place of prayer for me, I've only recently realised just how many times I have ventured up there to seek answers, comfort etc. I wrote the majority of this song in that place. I remember visiting it regularly in the summer, at that point I was quite low, quite angry, but no one would have guest because a lot of the time I am able to keep my emotions inside and battle them out on my own. It takes a lot for me to express what I am feeling, even my closest of friends don't get to see that side of me, and those that do I guess it means that I really appreciate their presence in my life and look up to them in some way.

I can't tell you how many times I have walked into the Cathedral feeling like the gypsy from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, was I truly accepted in religion? they say God loves all and I agree with that, but at the point of my death being what I am will he let me enter into the gates of heaven? When praying I had so much that I had to say to God but rather than being angry all my self doubt, anger and sadness that I had harboured over the past few months melted into peace and all I felt was contentment. I believe in that moment some sort of presence came to me and wanted me to know that everything would be ok and that I've no need to worry. After prayer I wrote about three quarters of this song and put it down for a couple of months:

I only thought to pick the song up and completed it when the other day I watched a documentary titled "For the Bible tells me so..." which was about proper religious families in Southern America and how they dealt with their children coming out as gay, the documentary really shook me up, some of the footage was so disturbing. I walked away feeling vulnerable and emotional, but it then made me count my blessings for those that had truly accepted me in the Christian community. I had realised for the first time how hard or awkward it must have been for me to walk in in all my hair and gaudiness and for them to take the time (the actual time not just a brief conversation or two) to get to know me and understand me...all that weakness I had just encountered had transfigured into strength and courage and they not knowing this had really cemented my stability in the church and for that I would always be grateful...I guess people are put in our lives for reasons and to teach us lessons and those that manage to do that remain gold dust in our lives and I guess have somehow rooted themselves into our spiritual growth.

So here is the song which I was so inspired to write in the Cathedral and had meant to finish a while back...although I am stuck on the last part of the chorus. I really don't know whether to put "Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am WHOLE or HOME??? I put 'whole' in just because it's what came to me first, which one do you think suits it best? help? 

Verse 1

I found Christ today and there he found me,

Sitting in the altar like a game of hide and seek,

I felt the weight I held removed from my soul,

I felt the doors to hell shudder as they closed.

Verse 2

I found Christ today and he took the time to stay,

He made me feel at home like I was welcome in my faith.

I found him in the bible then I found him in the seats,

I found him in the altar then I found him in me.

Chorus

Rising like the sun sitting on the mountain peak,

I struggled to understand but he understood me,

He lifted up my spirit, He lifted up my soul,

Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am whole.

Verse 3

I found Christ today, he washed away my stains,

He wiped away my tears, from within he wiped the pain.

He left a little scar to remind me I am his.

Then I bowed my head, then my brow he kissed.

Verse 4

I found Christ today, He sent me on the road

'Cos I shouldn't need these bricks to make me feel like I am home,

I shouldn't need the temple, I shouldn't need the stone,

I only needed him and only him alone.

Chorus

Rising like the sun sitting on the mountain peak,

I struggled to understand but he understood me,

He lifted up my spirit, He lifted up my soul,

Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am whole.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am whole.

Karl Smitherman 2012 ©

p.s. me and my amazing friend Jessamine Cera are working on a music video for my song 'Man of Kent' here is a little still from the video...

And here is the lyric write up and work sheet in which the song 'I found Christ today' was written on...

Outtakes-

"I found Christ today needing him so tenderly, I was lost but now found, was bound but now free"

"The light shone through the windows and there unto me, and there I felt brand new again a child of thee"

"I found Christ today and there he found me, a boy with ruby lips, golden hair and now a soul set free"

"I felt like I was riding high, the whole world at my feet"

"And all at once The Lord came down and reached for my soul, now I've no fear of who I am and where I am to go, and all at once Jesus whispers soft and low and there I felt the comfort and the possibility to float"

What's strange is that any one of these lyrics could have altered the meaning and story behind the song...

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If I were a Little Sparrow (redraft)

I've been working on this song recently with a friend, the usual process when writing a song is that I write the lyrics and basic chords and then some magnificent musician gets creative and makes the song sound bliss. This song has been a hard one to capture we've been battling between piano and guitar in trying to find the right sound which we think we may have found by settling with the piano. It's funny because I have always been a guitar person who likes the subtle sound of the finger picked strings over what I thought was a dominant piano, but recently I've found the piano to have a soft solemn sound which is perfectly captured in this song. I remember a while before working on the music for the song the musician helping with it once read the lyrics and didn't like the final verse so when they decided to arrange it I had to quickly whip up in ten minutes another two verses, one of which was an alternation of the original.
As I wrote this song based on an old folk song I've been trying to work out what the song means for me. The conclusion being that the sparrow is a symbol for freedom as it can take off whenever it wants to, in verse 1 it flies home for comfort, in verse 2 it snatches its lover a flies away with it. Verse 3 finds the sparrow searching the world (with no thought for money) for their lover and the final verse is slightly different in that it addresses the listener and warns them against the person who once mistreated them. The narrator addresses the sparrow by asking them to send a message to their loved one letting them know they are alive, is this because the narrator wants the lover to know that they can survive without them? or are they praying for the lover to return and spare a thought for them? what do you think??

If I were a little sparrow I would fly south,
I would roll in my Mama's arms and rid me of this hell
But I'm not a little sparrow and neither can I fly,
If I loved you better would you still be mine?

If I were a little sparrow here's what I would do,
I would wrap you in my arms and fly away with you
But I'm not a little sparrow and I loved you more than true,
I loved you more than needed but you needed someone new.

If I were a little sparrow I'd fly away o'er the hills
And if I couldn't find you I'd search until I will
I'm not a little sparrow and I cannot fly home,
Now that you have left me there is no skin to my bone.

If I were a little sparrow I'd warn you not to be fooled
By the eyes that say they love you 'cos they don't love you at all
So flutter in flight little sparrow, take off away to the sky
And if you see my loved one would you tell them I am alive.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

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My Achilles

I've always been fascinated with Greek Mythology and as I've mentioned in my previous posts I have recently been into the poems of Oscar Wilde and Lord Byron, if you have a spare second I recommend looking up some of their works especially Byron's 'The Tear' or Wilde’s ‘Under the Balcony’. I’ve found when reading their material that when talking of heartbreak they tend not to be so discreet about who the poem is about or the details involved, whereas in a song I feel you have to gloss over your message to make it more commercial. So I thought I'd conjure up one titled 'Achilles', this poem does not pay homage to Achilles himself but instead to someone who in their own way reminded me of him.

There is so much mugginess around the story of Patroclus and Achilles, some say that they were friends, some say cousins some even lovers. Of course being gay I've opted for the bromance!! Supposedly Achilles was almost invulnerable and the only way to kill him was his heel, hence the saying "Achilles heel". There was a time within the Trojan War where Achilles refused to fight and it was only when Patroclus was murdered by the opposite party that he took up his sword and shield and rode high and mighty into the battle field which unfortunately led to his death. The film 'Troy' suggests that Patroclus disguised himself as Achilles to protect him, you may notice I have chosen to stick to this version when writing the poem.

Patroclus's death supposedly drove Achilles mad, as did Hephaestions death to Alexander the Great. In the poem itself the narrator is aware of the effect that Patroclus' and Hephaestions' death had upon their 'lovers' so begs his own lover to forget him and not avenge his death as he feels that he is doomed to die like Hephaestion and Patroclus, before his great lover. The narrator is also terrified of his man going down the same path of self destruction that Achilles and Alexander went to, eventually leading to their deaths. The ending of the poem is no less tragic than the Greek tragedies in that either way the narrator is doomed for sadness, he either has to live without his love or has to die and watch his love die too. Unlike the original Achillies the battle is not a blood thirsty war but instead one between family and religion...perhaps the lover (Achilles) knows that if he is to live his life with the narrator he will be abandoned by his family and religion.

Oh my Achilles day and night,

My will to live my constant mind

Let us forever lay apart,

Let our bed lay cold in the dark.

You could keep me safe from harm,

With your bow and steady arms,

But that would make you less a man,

Forget my name and if you can...

Do not let me be your heel,

But let me be your sword and shield,

Let me be your sacrifice

Who gave you up to live your life

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

Cos you’ll be cut from your family tree.

Our battle is not of sword and spear,

But of birth and blood and holiness.

It’s goodbye to them or goodbye to me,

So keep them safe and let that be.

I refuse to be your burden carried,

Let me be the one to watch you marry,

My Achilles strong and proud,

Golden hair and lips so round

Oh my Achilles or Alexander,

As your name does say you are,

Let the prophecy stay strong,

That I must die and you live on.

Like Patroclus took your ‘name’,

So his love could become so great,

Let this parting we have made,

Keep you sound and bring you fame.

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

For we both must die if we can be.

You’re my Achilles not by words,

But by look and stature and still I thirst,

For you to live life to the full,

Without the constant ridicule

You’re my Achilles not the man

Who once could kill with his bare hands,

And still you are the highest of highs,

My evening star, my morning light.

So like Patroclus was put to death,

If you need me I’ll be there,

But till that day my solemn prince,

My warrior, I beg you, live.

And don’t avenge my cruelly death,

If you’re Achilles I’m Patroclus,

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

If you do you will die to.

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

You’re now a prince soon to be King.

If I were your Patroclus and you my Achilles,

I know for sure you’d fight for me, I know for sure you’d fight for me.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

Forever Gone

I've often found that my style of writing changes depending on the type of things I am reading at the time. Recently I have been reading a lot of poetry, as you may have noticed whilst reading 'In the Lap of the Mountain'. I love the works or Byron, Whitman and Wilde. I always love the songs/poems of lament and loss and that's why I enjoy all the old traditional folk songs like 'Danny Boy' and 'The Water is Wide'. When writing this piece I wrote it as a poem instead of a song. It speaks about being apart from your love but leaving them instructions to ways in which they can feel close to you. It also says how the narrator would rather suffer the pain which they are feeling now than never knowing what it would be like to be with their loved one.

Though your hands shall never/ touch my tender face,

No finger can discover /what they cannot replace.

The arms I taught to hold me/ throughout the coolest nights

Shall no more console me/and shall be out of sight

Oh darling don’t forget me/ you said upon a time,

No one could ever replace me/ I was the first of my kind.

My arm shall be the duvet/ the pillow be my chest,

So linger on a lifetime/ and lay ye down to rest.

Yes lay down all your burdens/ and hang up all your hopes

Lift them to the sun light/ and send them up to float,

And even in the dark say or/ breath my name in sigh

For I do feel the same way/ and do the same do I.

I whisper your name softly/ it’s all I've learnt to speak,

And when the light does hold me/ it hits the tear on my cheek,

And like a crown of diamonds/ my face shall forever shine,

And all this I endure for/ I knew once you were mine

It makes it all worthwhile/ and allows me to sustain

In each and every mile/it’s how I bare the rain

So assemble all the loneliness/ and drink it down in wine

And make believe this moment/ that once again you’re mine.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

The Stage

I've realised reading back on the blog that many of the topics have been utterly depressing so firstly would like to apologise if I have made you feel suicidal at any point. Today's song was originally meant to be a joke song between me and my friend. The song came about because whenever we would go down town for our regular coffee fixes we happened to stumble across the same man...literally without fail!! He is always dressed in his finery and swaggers up and down the highstreet. I have no idea where he goes, however, one day me and my friend were discussing what it is we believe he does and I had this image of him wanting to be a famous performer on the West End and having never received his big break strolls up and down the town in his most expensive clothes hoping some talent scout would find him and lead him to fame, and from there I wrote the song based on what I imagine his life to have been like.

I was so proud of this song once it was written because I thought at least I'd have one song in my set list which wasn't about me and which would have a funny story to tell. However reading the song back a few weeks later I realised that I have probably pretty much predicted my own future!! I already 'doll' myself up and ponce around the town, soon will be the failing of my career and I never tend to settle with child because of reasons of which the majority of people can guess!! and I also used to sing to people in the school playground before my Mum stopped me for embarrassing my brothers...that's what you get when your repertoire is Celine Dions 'My heart will go on' and the Spice Girl catalogue.

Luring myself out of my depression I honestly believe anyone can make it in what they want to achieve, I've come to learn and have yet to take action in putting your neck on the line and push yourself every step of the way, no matter how many bricks you shit!! For anyone who is interested and for those that ain't I am recording some songs at the moment for some EPs, some have already been written up in the blog, they are 'Gypsy', 'Prettiest Thing in Town', 'In the Lap of the Mountain', 'Man of Kent' and 'Into the Night' if you have a moment please read back on past posts you may find yourself laughing at my misfortunes which will then make your day!!

Here's a quick story which will confirm my theory of the poor man. One evening once the song was written I was walking home at about 11 at night and saw him dancing along the street miming some song to himself. This is the Gods honest truth but we gotta love the dreamers!!

Verse 1
When I was a child I used to pretend
That the sun was my spotlight, the stage was the shed.
I'd climb to the top, though my knees were grazed
I didn't care, I belonged to the stage.

I'd pick and I'd sing my favourite hymn
When someone would walk by, the louder I'd sing.
I'd act out a play which I'd memorized for days,
I knew some day they'd take me to the stage.

Build
I dreamed of the lights and I dreamed of the stage,
though it never took of the dream it still stayed...

Chorus
Now I walk round the town day after day
In my finest of clothes, in my brightest of gowns.
Hoping someone will say you're right for the part
I will give you the fame, follow me to the stage.

Verse 2
No I never married, I hadn't the time
And I never settled with no children of mine.
I wanted such greatness and someday I knew
That the harder I worked then my dreams would come true.

Build
My reflection withered from the times they've made me fall
With all the auditions saying it's you we will call...

Chorus

Now I walk round the town day after day
In my finest of clothes, in my brightest of gowns.
Hoping someone will say you're right for the part
I will give you the fame, follow me to the stage.


Karl Smitherman © 2012

Him (draft)

Hi guys,
Long time no speak...I'm so sorry, I've just moved house and am battling with no internet for a whole month!!

I warn you strong opinionated buggers now to not read this blog it's a sensitive issue tonight!!

I thought this would be the perfect song to start the blog up again with, 'Him'. I remember conjuring up the song title some 7 years ago when I planned on taking lyric writing seriously. The song was originally meant to be a childhood autobiographical song which would give listeners/readers the 411 on me. I had planned to name my first EP/album 'Him' to represent the music coming from my life experiences. However the song lay dormant for a good 7 years until about 6 months ago when I was going through some hurting issues in my life and the song's basic formation literally poured out of me.  I remember sitting in my bedroom all glamoured up thinking "How did he not notice?, I wore my best for him tonight" and then "that would make a really good song lyric". The first verses came when I visited back home (Kent) in hopes to heal and get away from my woes (LOL sad but true).

The song talks about a gay man falling for a straight man...(awkward silence ay?). It then questions the basis of the relationship between the two people, is there a possibility? is it deemed a sin? etc. I have struggled a lot with coming to terms with Christianity and homosexuality. I've felt at times that I should try and force it out of me, then just as quick something slaps me and reminds me that God has made me this way and it's him I should be listening to, not other people. I'll happily hear others opinions on the subject but then I retreat to prayer and ask for guidance in the matter. I've come to the conclusion that God made me this way for a reason and that he has set me a certain task in my life. It's in situations like the song (Him) speaks of when I want nothing more than to hurl anger at God for putting me in a situation where 'nothing' could come from it, but then once the situation is overcome it's so easy to see what you gained from it and why you had to go through it. I admit the topic is not that graceful and I am far from being the perfect being, trying to get someone's attention by 'dressing your best' is something I always thought a bit degrading (depending on what you wear) yet I found myself doing it!! Don't!!

I've only recently realised that being gay was nothing to be ashamed of, so many times I've been put in the most awkward situations where somebody asks the most blunt and random questions and all I have to offer is the truth. I was never good at telling lies, ever since my Step-dad told me he hates liars I had always been bad at it. I hope this answers a few questions for some or opens minds for others, sorry for the awkwardness but sometimes that's just life.

I've called this the draft because there are some parts which I'm not to sure about but I've decided to sit with them for some time and evaluate them later and see if I like them.

p.s. I added some lyrics at the bottom of the song which didn't make it into the 'final' version.

Verse 1
I give him the eye, he smiles
For he knows what hides behind,
Yet he knows he can't return
My love, he's sorry for fanning the burn.

I see him and no one around him
In my dreams I've kissed and felt him
Oh the pain when I awake
Oh the shame the next day

Chorus
I wore my best for him tonight,
In hopes that he might change his mind,
But he don't need me and it's getting plane to tell
You can give him what he want's but you cannot create the spell.
When the urge proves to strong
And I want him in my arms
Is it a sin to love him?

Verse 2
But he won't share his love with me,
He's planned his wife and family
How can I live up to those things?
If only I could make him see

That I can give the love he wants
Lets compensate away my faults
If he made the sacrifice
Could I keep him satisfied?

Chorus 2
I wore my best for him tonight,
In hopes that he might change his mind,
But he don't need me and it's getting plane to tell
You can give him what he wants but he'll run off with someone else.
When the urge proves to strong
And I want him in my arms
Is it a sin to love him?

Mid 8
And I want him to love me for all of his life,
with passion and romance with fire and fight.
The window light that I would leave alight for him.
Would lure him close and lead him in.

Chorus 3
I wore my best for him tonight,
In hopes that he might change his mind,
But he don't need me and it's getting plane to tell
You can give him what he wants but he will still put you through hell.
But when the time comes along
and I've the chance to take him home
Is it a sin to love him?

Lyrical outtakes-

Middle 8
(If only he wasn't so tough, would he speak of his love)

(I want him to love me all of his life, to keep me warm throughout the night)

Verse
(Let's forget about what they say, don't shy away or feel afraid)

(Don't shy away or feel afraid, I am here you will be ok)

(If you were mine it would feel the space, but would it take me from my faith)

(If he were mine and I were his...)

Karl Smitherman © 2012, published 10/09/2012

New Ground

There will always come a time in life when change will happen no matter how much you are against it. Recently I've been struggling in keeping up with life, I've found myself nostalgic for the past. I've just finished uni, had people come and go, am moving house whilst trying to make money and so on. Ever so slowly I have been accepting the change. The title for the song came a few months back and I really didn't know how to approach the song, I tried loosely writing different phrases to see if I liked anything but didn't. Then yesterday I went to 'the mount' a massive hill that looks over Guildford, there I felt that I opened up to God and knew that I should embrace the change as he will be with me. Whilst walking in the same place today there was a downpour of rain and I felt as if I was being cleansed, the things I was holding onto I was able to let go of. So I thought I should mention rain in the song...just to show my appreciation to God. It also gave me the opening verse. The rest of the song talks about being afraid but knowing the change has to be made and also releasing all the bad things and people in your life and starting fresh.

Verse 1
There's only so long you can hold back the rain
before the world starts to die, dry and break.
Stood in one place when it's time for a change
Can get you behind or lead you astray.

Chorus
I bid you farewell, I bid you so long,
I'm picking up, yes I'm moving on.
There's only so long when what's lost can be found.
I've waited it out so I'm treating new ground.

Verse 2
Being unprepared is what it's all about,
a little scared? or a little in doubt?
but the element of surprise is high on rise,
say a prayer, retreat somewhere, make a change in your life.


Chorus
I bid you farewell, I bid you so long,
I'm picking up, yes I'm moving on.
There's only so long when what's lost can be found.
Knowing when not knowing how I'm treading new ground.

Mid 8
It's time for the closure, I'm making way for the end.
I've waisted my time, I'm starting again.


Chorus
I bid you farewell, I bid you so long,
I'm picking up, yes I'm moving on.
There's only so long when what's lost can be found.
Starting fresh, starting now I'm treading new ground.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

Fate

So recently I have asked many questions about certain subjects but find that the answers given to me are contrasting with each other. One answer seems like the obvious truth but the other is being delivered in what could be signs...I don't know what to believe. Is the answer in your face or in the signs???? Anyway I went to a regular film night with some friends in which a certain persons gets the pleasure of choosing a film for us to watch each week, this week's choice was Serendipity starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale, one of the characters is very superstitious. The film made me think, and I walked away believing that signs (not as obvious as in the film) are messages sent from heaven to steer us in the right direction. So that's what this song is about, do we create our own path or is it already written and down to fate?? If you have your own opinion please share it just may help in my decision making...all help is appreciated!!

Verse 1
Stars and cards and mystic glass
and all that stuff in between,
like leaves and dreams, tell me what do you see
do you see a place for you and me?

Bridge
Is the answer already made or is it one we create?
Is in down to me or is it up to fate?

Chorus
Do I find it far from home
Is it out of my control
Is it in the break of the day
Or found in the evening shade?

Verse 2
A name, a place, a gesture made
Tells me I belong to you
Do I brace for the chase, do I give up to fate
Is one but holding the truth

Bridge
Do both paths go separate ways
Or do they reach the same place
Is it irony
Or is it fate?

Chorus
Do I find it far from home
Is it out of my control
Is it in the break of the day
Or found in the evening shade?

Tag
Is it up to me to create
Or is it down to the hands of fate?

Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

The Ultimate Goodbye

This song speaks about change from a man to a woman...JOKES. The song is set in a moment between two separate parts of life, one of them the life you're leaving behind and the other is the new life waiting for you. Many of my friends from uni have/are and will be leaving to go home and I thought about being in that situation. For some it's because they want to but others have no choice in the matter. Even for those who have a choice must still find it sad when it comes to that point of change. This song is set just after the narrator has left their friends and is making their journey home...the journey home speaks about the emotional transaction between two states of mind (wanting to stay and wanting to go). Goodbyes are always the saddest, I'm the worst at them if I don't cry at the time I'll no doubt cry after...and I try never to cry (I'm an ugly crier).

Verse 1
Now I know where I'm going but I don't know what for
Still a voice inside my head say's I don't belong here anymore.
The journey's in the detail and it's that I'm trying to find,
My heart can't hold back my wayfaring mind.

Bridge
So I said a prayer inside my head then set out for the road

Chorus
The moon was my guide
On that cool summers night
As I drove along the highway
Looking for more than just the signs.
Home is where the heart is
And I guess I proved it right,
Bags packed, hearts low,
Goodbye friends, hello road,
This is the ultimate goodbye

Verse 2
I've put names to the faces and memories too,
Walked with them beneath the stars, danced beneath the old church roof.
There's a space, there's a time, there's a place, there's an age,
No matter what I'm after there will always be a change

Bridge
And I dried my eyes about half way then carried on down the road

Chorus
The moon was my guide
On that cool summers night,
As I drove along the highway
Looking for more than just the signs.
Home is where the heart is
And I guess I proved it right,
Bags packed, hearts low,
Goodbye friends, hello road,
This is the ultimate goodbye

Bridge
I turned around once or twice then made my way home

Chorus
The moon was my guide
On that cool summers night,
As I drove along the highway
Looking for more than just the signs.
Home is where the heart is
And I guess I proved it right,
Bags packed, hearts low,
Goodbye friends, hello road,
This is the ultimate goodbye

Tag
Bags packed, hearts low,
Goodbye friends, hello road,
This is the ultimate goodbye

Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

The Bells and the Waves

I've been questioning myself whether to put this song up for ages because it speaks very strongly and in some ways arrogantly of my own views. I don't want to force any of my views or opinions on others but like other songs this song is just another scenario (or emotional experience) that I have a connection to. I apologise for any offence.
The song is half romantic and half tragic, it starts with the narrator standing at a wedding, they feel happy for the bride and bridegroom but there is a twinge of sadness in that they were unable to marry within a church because of their sexual orientation (told you it was intense). There is sadness entwined throughout the song in that the narrator wanted to be married within a church, although at times there are moments of bliss where they speak of their wedding on the beach. The narrator then goes onto say how they wish they had a choice in making the decision in where they could 'marry'. For the record I am not married nor have I ever danced on a beach...well not romantically and fully clothed (JOKES!!) and I happen to have some very good Christian friends and attend church and have never been made to feel unwelcome in any way, the majority of them are good to the bone so this song is not meant to cause any offence whatsoever and I'm truly sorry if I do.
Notes 'The Bells and the Waves' mention two song's 'As Man and Woman we were made' a traditional wedding hymn which I suppose in this song is seen as rubbing salt in the wound and 'A Nightingale sang in Berkeley Square' is an old wartime song, it's absolutely beautiful. So I hope this is not too far for any of you, those that know me should understand those that don't may not, but when you're down and troubled...give a little whistle!!

p.s. keep an eye on previous songs written as I often change them if I think they can be improved.

Verse 1
The aisle dressed in dried roses, dim
Light dances along the stained panes.
The Hillsong begins, the crowd stands to sing
'As Man and Woman we were made'

Bridge
And all I can do is stare at the wall
Blinking back a mind full of dreams,
I'm happy for you that much is true
But darling it could have been me.

Chorus
Well our first dance was down by the ocean,
The love just as true as I see today,
The marble floor replaced by the sea foam
And the sound of the bells replaced by the waves

Verse 2
Since I was young I dreamed of the alter
Since I was young I knew where I'd stand
And the kingdom of stone for my dreams did falter
For it wouldn't unite us both hand in hand

Bridge
And all I can do is gaze round the room
Knowing for now it's the way,
My cross on my chain, I always had faith,
It's faith that will change it some day

Chorus
Well our first dance was down by the ocean,
Swaying along to 'A Nightingale Sang...'
With my first love and a lifetime devotion
And the sound of the bells were replaced by the waves


Chorus
Well our first dance was down by the ocean,
As we two became one in our own way
Well I feel the change and I hope it will come soon
So that there's a choice between the bells and the waves

Tag
Twirling and swirling over the sand dunes
And the sound of the bells were drowned by the waves

Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

Forgiven

Here is another song which is based on the old English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh ballads. I've just penned this song distracting myself once again from uni work. The song speaks about someone who has been left by their lover (traditional subject), the original feeling of betrayal (verse 1) has been replaced by forgiveness (Chorus 1). They then urge their lover to return back to them (verse 2) before they die (Chorus 2). The final part of the chorus suggests that no matter the circumstance even if their lover doesn't return they shall still forgive them for leaving in the first place. The normal font is the verse, the build is italics and the bold font is the chorus.
The concept of the song is that the moon shines its light depending on the mood of the narrator, for example when the moon is bright the narrator is happy, when it has a petty glow the person is sad, in this case when the light shines through a cloud there is a ray of hope and when the moon doesn't shine the narrator has passed.

Verse 1
I thought I cut you out my life a long time ago,
When I threw stones at the stars in the sky and hoped they would fall
'Cos I wished on many a star, hung my heart on the moon
Even though you're so far, I still wish for you.

Chorus
I sometimes swear the moon shines on the mood I'm given,
Right now there's a break in the cloud which shows that you're forgiven,
Come back to me and I'll make your life worth living,
I threw the stars in the sky again to show that you're forgiven

Verse 2
When you left I thought the world would die but the sun still sets,
So I'll send the ships at high tide for you to collect,
I don't want no gifts or jewels, what would I do with them
I've only asked for you that's all, darling don't forget

Chorus
I've always said the moon shines on the mood I'm given,
So when the moon forgets to shine you'll know I'm no longer living,
And if I ever go before you have made the decision,
I'll send a star to you far below to show that you're forgiven.

Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

My Heartache Rings Across the Floor

Walking round work today I had the title in my head 'Forever Gone'. Instead of using that as a title I decided to use it in the chorus because I was just listening to some country standards in the bath which inspired me so I wrote the majority if the song there...in the bath. The song is meant to be a standard country song, simple yet absolutely heart wrenching. It speaks about being left by the one that you loved, as you may have noticed is a common trait throughout my songs. This song probably has one of the darkest lyrics I have wrote about there being a bullet through my brain, I felt that was a very manly lyric so for once thought I'd surrender to my masculine side.

Chorus
My heartache rings across the floor
Cos you don't live here anymore
Forever is too long, I can't believe you are forever gone
While my heartache rings across the floor

Verse 1
I cried to sleep last night
Not the first for you I've cried
I'd be better of somedays
With a bullet through my brain
When I'm reminded of you dear
I so wish that you were here
but my heartache is left ringing on the floor

Chorus
My heartache rings across the floor
You can't hear cos you're too far
Forever is too long, I can't believe you are forever gone
While my heartache rings across the floor

Verse 2
No bird could ever sing
And cure the awful sting
Of a one-sided love
I fell in love with you too much
So while I'm all alone
And the house is not your home
I can hear my heartache ringing on the floor

Chorus
My heartache rings across the floor
Cos you don't live here anymore
Forever is too long, I can't believe you are forever gone
While my heartache rings across the floor

Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

The Mile

I dug this song out from an old folder, I wrote this when I was 18 years old. I got the idea for the song when walking to college one day and in that time my mind would just race away. It seemed like the perfect time to collect my thoughts and straighten (no gay jokes please) my head the journey in total took around half hour to walk. I remember racing back from college in storms and snow, I always loved walking in the rain there is something cleansing about it. The song was my opinions at the time. I can’t say they have changed much but have, perhaps matured. The chorus speaks about escaping the realities of life and hoping for peace, I’m not sure if at the time I had Heaven in mind when writing the song, but I hope that Heaven is just as peaceful as I imagine the mile to be.


Verse 1
The mile is a place which I invented in my mind,
Where flags of freedom freely wave to the lonely kin of time,
Where mistakes are left in the past, the people do not lie,
A home for both the rich and poor and money is no desire.
A long stretched out road where fields are to be fields
And never will be rearranged by some man made drill,
Where gays are accepted and blacks walk with the whites
And everyone is more than welcome to walk the mile.

Chorus
Do you know friends of mine
When you go home to your men and wives
I choose to walk the mile
When I get home there's an empty bed
There I'm the only one who's slept,
So I think I'll choose to stay here awhile.

Verse 2
Where there are certain words that no one dares to mention
Like murderer or outlaw or even the recession
Where heaven is the house next door, happiness is what we cry
And if I choose to shoot a man he'd just come back to life.
Where peace is what we'd sing and love is what we'd chant,
Blood is never spilled from the strength of our hands,
Time is kept well in balance cos it don't exist,
The mile's just too good a place for you to resist.

Chorus 2
Do you know friends of mine,
Whatever you do with your time,
I choose to walk the mile,
No one seems to wanna know
That for too long I've been alone
So I think I'll choose to stay here a mile.

Chorus 3
If you choose to spare a moment,
Come down to my second home and
You are free to roam the mile,
At this rate I'll die by myself,
I pray that I don't go to hell
Would you like some company a while
Or would you rather I walk the mile.

Karl Smitherman © 2008 published 2012

Failing to Breathe

I have decided to take three hours of my valuable time from writing my dissertation to writing this song. To sum up the song it speaks about having faith in the times when you are in doubt. Faith is a wonderful thing to have when you have it, it should be treasured, preferably in gold cloth, however finding it can sometimes seem almost impossible. People say that loss, love or just about any other heart breaking thing are some of the hardest things life can throw at you, but life overall is hard!! I cannot tell you how much I have struggled with faith and the acceptance of who I truly am recently, still I don't know the answer, but I know if I stop looking for it then I wont find it.

I've recently wondered if God sometimes puts us in these positions so that we can find ourselves again. If I was always happy and content then I'd probably have too big an ego and would not talk to God much because I'd think I wouldn't need him. Sometimes being at rock bottom is just the start of the mountain and there is nowhere to go but up. I believe having your values shaken and everything tested in life brings you to God exactly as he wants you, he wants us to be humble in life like a child, where we are not afraid to cry, to confess our feelings and to believe that all are equal. I also believe life is a journey and we have to experience as much emotion as possible, good and bad. If I had to go through life without pain and suffering I think by the time I got to Heaven I would take it for granted because I would have known bliss all my life. I would rather learn everything I can on this Earth so that by the time I entered Heaven I could collapse at my creators feet knowing that I have left the world a stronger and different person.

Verse 1
If I step alone I’ll be sure to fall I know
I can’t do this, can’t do it on my own,
But the world has its scope of troubles let them float
Up above, onwards up, where there’s doubt there is hope

Build
On failing to breathe, what’s the worst that can happen to me?
Sent to a home where I’m not depending on what I cannot see

Chorus
Raise me up, Raise me up,
Let the Heavens open up above
In our pain lies victory,
Even when drowning,
You should never feel like failing
Failing to breathe, breathe
Failing to breathe, breathe

Verse 2
If your faiths not in his hands, you're a living dead man
When the soul, has turned cold, and the bitterness has grown
You can say you love him, but what does it mean
Before the test is put to rest, we can either swim or float

Build
On failing to float, there is still a ray of hope
Cos when you’re at your end, that is when God will then
Prop you up, with his love

Chorus
Raise me up, Raise me up,
Let the Heavens open up above
In our pain lies victory,
Even when drowning,
You should never feel like failing
Failing to breathe, breathe
Failing to breathe, breathe
  
Mid 8
Sometimes I float, sometimes I stumble,
Sometime I hide, sometimes I seek
Sometimes I’m proud, sometimes I’m humble
Sometimes I don’t want to be me

Chorus
Raise me up, Raise me up,
Let the Heavens open up above
In our pain lies victory,
Even when drowning,
You should never feel like failing
Failing to breathe, breathe
Failing to breathe, breathe

 Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

Prettiest Thing in Town

I think this song was one of my first truly personal love songs in which the melody was constructed at the same time as the lyrics. In fact I remember sitting in my old house with the guitar writing this song. It was originally never meant to be a love song but a song about artificial beauty against natural beauty, and how the person with the artificial appearance was comparing themselves to the natural beauty. However amongst one night of utter despair and depression I penned this song. It talks about falling in love with someone who does not love you back, in fact that person is admired by many other people in town, and you (probably with you artificial beauty) are far far far back in the queue, you make countless promises to show this person that you will be true to them forever (verse 2) BUT this does not work in today's society, so you're better off performing sexual favours!! JOKES!! DON'T DO IT...keep your pride foolish youth (I'm laughing to myself so hard right now). In all seriousness this song was a true heartbreaker for me. In fact the narrator in the song is trying to save the person that he loves, he is telling them that the countless acts of (maybe) sexual favours and constant drinking is ruining the purity within their soul (verse 1). The song always comes back to haunt me, even two years later I can sing this song and find that the meaning has reawakened. I suppose that is one of the true beauties of songs, they can last a lifetime.

Verse

Diamond in the rough is what they call you

Oh what a name to hold
You’re too good a person to turn them down
But the damage that it’s doing to your soul

Build
And I, I run to you
To find a lonely room

Chorus
How’s it feel being the prettiest thing in town?
To have people fall before you like ragdolls to the ground
And when it comes to choices I’m a number in a crowd
How does it feel to be the prettiest thing in town?

Verse
You’re just a one week stand to any other
But to me you’re a life time guarantee
A kingdom of false hearts is all you gather
But you’re the strong and the silent victim’ee

Build
It’s just a passing thought
But who knows we just could work

Chorus
How’s it feel being the prettiest thing in town?
To have people fall before you like ragdolls to the ground
And when it comes to choices I’m a number in a crowd
How does it feel to be the prettiest thing in town?

Mid 8
Hold me close a little while,
Love me like it’s out of style
Whisper words like it will be alright

Call it love, Call it lust

Call it wrong if you must
I cant leave I’m not that strong,
until, until it feels wrong, wrong!

Build
And I, I run to you
To find a lonely room

Chorus
How’s it feel being the prettiest thing in town?
To have people fall before you like ragdolls to the ground
And when it comes to choices I’m a number in a crowd
How does it feel to be the prettiest thing in town?
How does it feel to be the prettiest thing in town?

 Karl Smitherman © 2010 published 2012

Between the Sun and the Moon

I’ve always thought that if you had someone or something that you knew would last for absolutely ever the importance of that thing would soon fade. I believe God plans to gives us things for a short time in order for us to learn something from them and to perceive a stronger emotion from the experience. This may sound morbid, but knowing that someone you care about may soon be leaving whether it is to another country or to heaven makes you cherish every moment you have with them. This is another song freshly written tonight (please forgive me if it’s terrible, I can only tell after a certain amount of time) the song is about two people, one of them has to leave and one of them has to stay, there is only a matter of time in which they can spend together. The romantic facade that the moon and sunset posses soon fades as the two people know that with each one passing they have less time together...

Verse 1
And with the setting of the Sun
There goes another day
Another hour in which I am with you
You were so hard won
Darling won’t you stay
Tell me now before the peaking of the moon

Build
How long will it be
Before you’re just a memory
There I go counting down the days

Chorus
There goes my everything
Sinking with the Sun
Ambling all alone
With a worn out heart that proves
That you weren’t made of stone
Though often I thought so,
Now I feel you slipping away
Between the Sun and the Moon

Verse 2
I know God heard my prayers
But just because He hears
It doesn’t mean they all will come true
Don’t remember me like this
Where my tear replaces the kiss
That I hoped would be from you

Build
Don’t stop me from crying
At the time of goodbye
We both knew it would turn out this way

Chorus
There goes my everything
Sinking with the Sun
Ambling all alone
With a worn out heart that proves
That the love you had was real
Though your silence was of steel
I feel you slipping away
Between the Sun and the Moon

Mid 8
Just a matter of days
And a handful of nights
And a lifetime of you
Present in my mind

Chorus
There goes my everything
Sinking with the Sun
Ambling all alone
With a worn out heart that proves
That somewhere in your mind
It’s me that you may find,
Though I feel you slipping away
Between the Sun and the Moon

Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

The Distance

This song I have literally whipped up in the last 30 mins. The song speaks about the gap between two people whether it be your love, God, or just about anything else. There's not much I can say about a song when I've just wrote it, the emotion is too raw, and the situation has yet to be overcome and understood, so take this song as it stands.

Verse 1
There's a shadow on the path
stretching as far as I can see
but I know the space between
lies the distance between you and me

There's a lantern way up high
which sometimes lets me know you're there
when your face comes to the light
there's no sign you ever cared

Chorus
So I am measuring the distance
Seeing how much lies between us
though deep down we're not so different
the distance is too great to trust,
There's a spirit in us both
which is not bound by the flesh
so when I reach for your deliverance
do I feel only the distance

Verse 2
If my soul were to travel
to the arms of who I love
I guarantee no devotion
no tenderness in their touch

But to tell them would betray
every inch of faith I own
and the distance would double
if ever they were to know

Chorus
So I am measuring the distance
Seeing how much lies between us
though deep down we're not so different
the distance is too great to trust,
There's a spirit in us both
which is not bound by the flesh
so when I reach for your deliverance
do I feel only the distance

Mid 8
My silence is a sign
that something's not quite right
as long as we think inwards
there will always be the distance

Chorus
So I am measuring the distance
Seeing how much lies between us
though deep down we're not so different
the distance is too great to trust,
There's a spirit in us both
which is not bound by the flesh
so when I reach for your deliverance
do I feel only the distance

Karl Smitherman © 2012 published 2012

Papa's Blue Eyed Boy

Another cheeky little cheesy country song I thought I'd throw in the mix. The expression blue eyed boy means to be someone's favourite, I also saw it as someone who couldn't do anything wrong. Once again I got the title for this song the summer before I came to Guildford which was two and a half years ago. I didn't write the song until last year. The idea came when someone started paying me a bit of attention (face glowing scarlet in horror as I type) I had wondered what would happen if they started to try their luck...well I thought I would lay my faults down in hopes to scare them away mwhaha, so that's what this song basically is, a list of all my faults!! It's a rather fun song to sing especially when we throw in the doo doo's after the chorus. The first verse never happened!! I just wanted to set the scenery for the song, I'm sorry if this ruins the image for you!!

p.s. by fag I mean cigarette not a gay man...I've touched many of them (sigh!! embarrassing awful joke)

Verse 1
The moon was low the stars were fading
Out all night now the day is breaking
Watching me, in your eyes
I saw the love light come to life
Got your heart and your attention
I whisper low “what’s your intention”
You drop your eyes and test your luck
And say “I’ll show you what a real man’s made of”

Chorus
Why O’ what do you see in me,
I speak to fast and I miss my T’s
Never touched a fag never had a drink
And I say my prayers before I sleep
A little loud a lot un-cool
The way I look ain’t natural
If you see my bro you’ll want him I’m sure
He’s my papa’s blue eyed boy

Verse 2
The dance floor isn’t my best friend
And when I’m out I want home again
Cos I prefer the quiet nights in
Hot drink and a movie in my bed
I read too much I often swear
Spend an hour in the morning fixing my hair
Then an hour in the eve in the tub upstairs
If that’s too much what do I care
                                                                                                                                                   
Chorus
Why O’ what do you see in me,
I speak to fast and I miss my T’s
Never touched a fag never had a drink
And I say my prayers before I sleep
A little loud a lot un-cool
The way I look ain’t natural
If you see my bro you’ll want him I’m sure
He’s my papa’s blue eyed boy

Mid 8
I’m laying it down as plain as paint
As it is, cos it ain’t gonna change
                                                                                                                                         
Chorus
Why O’ what do you see in me,
I speak to fast and I miss my T’s
Never touched a fag never had a drink
And I say my prayers before I sleep
A little loud a lot un-cool
The way I look ain’t natural
If you see my bro you’ll want him I’m sure
He’s my papa’s blue eyed boy

Karl Smitherman © 2011 published 2012

A Year Ago Today

I'm sorry it's been sometime before posting another song. I have been busy with uni work and all. The song this week is a holy song it came to me a year on from my Nan's passing. I remember sitting in my bedroom when suddenly this song hit me. The song speaks about a person's first encounter with God after passing, in it God is portrayed as very welcoming and human. Of course there is no fact behind the exact story of the song, I guess the only way we will truly know how we are greeted in Heaven will be when we get there, however the story is a nice one which speaks of finding peace after death.

A year ago today God showed her round his place,

He took her by the hand as they wondered through his lands,
He said “you’re welcome now you’ve been gone far too long,
No more running round, no more hurt at all”.

“This is where you’ll stay I hope you settle in,
If you need anything at all don’t be afraid to ask me”,
He showed her many things; he taught her how to fly,
He gave her angel wings and said go ride the sky.

The place was full of people she swore she’d seen before
She saw her mama and her papa and Christ the son of God.
The meadows were filled with chatter and there was laughter that scoured the land
While the children played with each other, the lion walked with the man.

A year ago today God told her of the light,
He said “pull up a chair cos’ you’ll be here some time”.
They talked about many things, she told him about her life,
She laughed and cried with him and walked away with a smile.

And as she walked away he said "just before I go,
You know you’ve done me proud my girl welcome home”.

Karl Smitherman © 2011 published 2012