Molly and the Boys

I've been quiet a while, I know. I apologize, I've been busy working in the restaurant trying to scrape enough money together for my debut EP. I've finally cut my days down (God forbid the rent goes up anymore) and am enjoying the free life and trials of a singer-songwriter. Isn't that how it should be, hone the art?

I've spent a lot of time working on my debut EP. The good news is the photo shoot is done and the music was sent off for mastering yesterday. I can't believe it's been three years in the making, everyone working on the project also have full time jobs and other projects to work on so naturally time was eaten before our eyes.

Alex Paton produced the EP and has spent many hours working on it, he arranged the music and many of the sessions. Extremely talented and very easy to work with, what more could you want for a debut?

Molly and the Boys is the title song, based upon the term 'Molly Boys'. The name was given to homosexual men in the 18th Century, who if ever discovered were often executed (check out the poem Molly Exulted). At the time there were 'safe' houses or more commonly, coffee houses which were populated by homosexual men. These buildings later became referred to as Molly Houses, the most celebrated being owned by a lady named Mother Clap.

The idea for the song came after returning to a visit from the British Museum. I poured out my pennies on a book titled A Little Gay History: Desire and Diversity across the World (Parkinson, R.B. and Smith, K). I truly recommend it, the authors have collected artifacts in the museum and describe the homosexual meaning behind them. I had never even heard of the term Molly Boy until finding it there and after a little research decided that it would make a good basis for a song.

In the song Molly became the Mother Clap figure and runs a safe house for homosexual men where they can escape the pressures of 18th Century Britain. I truly became fond of the Molly character I was creating, basing her image upon the 17th Century actress Nell Gywn.

The song was the most recent track wrote for the EP and since being added has altered the theme and concept.





















Photography by Jessamine Cera (the almost love of my life)

For those patient enough to get this far, I thought I'd throw in one of the images which we considered for the EP cover, later we decided that it was too posed so chose another. The song was inspiration for the cover, here I am in Molly's bar with all my trimmings.

Verse 1

In a little winding alley at the bottom of the town

There's a dim lit ale house where the blinds are drawn down,

There's a piano in the corner which is flat a note or two

and a diamond chandelier to send you swirling around the room.

There's an air about the places, you wouldn't disagree

That the static down the hall builds up your energy,

The doors are painted red and they flirt a golden trim,

You won't want to leave once they've let you in.

Chorus

Molly say's "come in" as she sports a head or curls.

Molly knows the ways to send you spinning around the world.

You'll slide her a twenty and an extra ten for the joy

and will leave the place sent off with love from Molly and the Boys.

Verse 2

Molly's boys are smiles and they're matter of fact,

If you're over 6'2" leave your shirt out back.

Their's one for every arm but none they say are cheap.

When you've been there once you're there twice a week.

The chapel's upstairs with the four post as the alter,

You can 'marry' him all night until the sun tell's you to call her.

Stay clear of Shane and Brice, Molly has their hands tied

But a lucky game of cards and the chance is in the pile.

Chorus

Molly say's "come in" as she sports a head or curls.

Molly knows the ways to send you spinning around the world.

You'll slide her a twenty and an extra ten for the joy

and will leave the place sent off with love from Molly and the Boys.

Mid 8

Molly has a way with the wicked worded,

A way to send you hope when the day's been hurting,

A cask of ale and a hit from the tin

Then another round before the night begins.

Chorus

Molly say's "come in" as she sports a head or curls.

Molly knows the ways to send you spinning around the world.

You'll slide her a twenty and an extra ten for the joy

and will leave the place sent off with love from Molly and the Boys.

Karl Smitherman © 2014


If you want regular updates on my music please follow either my Facebook page, Twitter profile, Youtube page or my Instagram. You can write to me at romanibeaumusic@yahoo.co.uk or through Facebook.
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Dilly Dally

I was never popular in school, never unpopular but just never popular. I had my small group of friends and we stuck together. Once in junior school I was always placed on the same table as the 'gypsy's', my Mum had asked for me and my twin to be in separate classes so that we could learn some independence. I always had respect for the gypsy's and as long as you gave them respect they gave it back, that's not to say I respected them above anyone else because everyone was equal. Looking back I'd never seen my Mum talk down to or suck up to anyone! she had a way of being herself around everyone. My older sisters the same, she's always willing to agree or disagree depending on her opinion, but they would never disrespect anyone along the way. 

The sad thing with the gypsies was that the older you got the more you'd separate into different groups, the gypsies would stick together and so would what they would call the 'Gorgers' (us). I have never been called a gorger as that was disrespectful, I've been called a chavvy, a bruv and a boi but never a gorger. Even now that I've moved from home and I'm ashamed to say the Surrey ways have brushed upon me, I feel completely at home with the gypsy's I grew up with. A couple of them I will speak to when I'm back home but some you just politely nod to. This song was wrote for them and inspired by them, and also for the simple folks whose life is providing for their children, who may not have the best jobs in the world but would go about it just to provide luxury and comfort for their children.

Just to let you know that we have finished filming the next music video for the new song 'Into the Night' I will post it on Youtube and Facebook within the next couple of weeks, the single release will take place at Bar des Arts in Guildford on August 21st, I hope to see lots of you there :-) 

Vrs 1

Jimmy's my name, I was raised in a caravan,

I dropped out of school to work with my Dad,

I was only thirteen and my life was already planned,

Living the same ones my old brothers had.

Cash in the hand, we’d live from the land,

My poor old man would break his own back,

Preparing the kill with our mouths to fill,

And pulling that great caravan down the tracks.

Chr

Oh Dilly Dally there under the sad tree,

We buried the ones we lost to the deity,

We prayed when we needed,

When our luck became seedless,

I still speak to Daddy whose up in Heavens valleys.

 Vrs 2

A cobblestone sailor, a sweet music maker,

I’d pluck my guitar once I was in from the cold,

Hands rough as ale, ale would turn me a heartbreaker,

Many a girl I’d send out of control.

Elvie, she’s fair and someday I’ll marry her,

She talks like us boys but with curly black hair,

We’ll have our own babies, have our own plot,

But we will live the same life that we’ve already got.

 Chr-

Oh Dilly Dally, down in Punters Alley,

I became a man with blonde Mary-Annie,

Down in the damp ditches

I retraced those kisses,

I was far from shabby with blonde Mary-Annie.

Mid 8

I live my life content

Resting on my window ledge,

Chasing the road,

Chasing the road,

The change will come sadly,

But for now I dilly dally,

These wheels are my home,

These wheels are my home.

Chr

Oh Dilly Dally, here comes Aunty Sally,

Kicking a fuss about that same gorger rally,

If they dare come over,

They’ll feel my revolver,

And they won’t be happy they meet Jimmy’s Sally. 

Karl Smitherman © 2013

If you want regular updates on my music please follow either my Facebook page, Twitter profile, Youtube page or my Instagram. You can write to me at romanibeaumusic@yahoo.co.uk or through Facebook.
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Old Mans Lament

This song was originally meant to be a love song, a break-up one in fact. I wrote the melody and first verse years ago and then put it down until the rest of the song came to me. Sometimes I wait for inspiration when writing a song, other times I'll force the answer out but I felt this one had to come naturally.
Their's an old man that I know who is now a widow and at one point after his wife had passed he was going through some health issues and had to have an operation. I heard him say to his son that if he passed during surgery that he didn't want to be resuscitated. That comment shocked me as he had a whole family still living but clearly felt that his time on this earth had passed and longed to be back with his wife. He was never really a religious man or at least he never showed it, he only hinted in his belief in the afterlife after his wife had died. Quickly after this story touched my life I rewrote the first verse and it wasn't until two years later that I wrote the rest of the song, once I had found the chorus I managed to write the second verse and middle 8 in a week or so.

Verse
She died several years ago the grave still says her name,
Still everybody looks at me and says he's not the same.
My body's so warn and old while hers is peacefully sleeping,
Whilst God is on her shoulders I'm still battling with my demons.

Once a week I take myself down to that place
And put her favorite flowers in a vase beside the grave.
Nobody even notices it's just part of the scenery
To them it is an old grey stone to me she is a memory.

Chorus
I know the coal mines like the back of my hand,
I know when the tide is out or lapping the sand,
Oh, oh, oh all this I know
But I don't know when I'll see her again.

Verse
Life is like a rose and with it comes the thorns,
I've wished on all the petals now the stem wilts to the floor.
I'm counting down the days 'till the boat I'm in has drifted.
Does she ever think of me or tell the angels "How I've missed him"

Chorus 2
I know the hour of every sunrise,
I can name each star in the southern sky.
Oh, oh, oh all this I know
But I don't know when I'll see her again.

Mid 8
I'm half crazy, I'm half out of place here,
In your way here, I can't stay here.

Chorus
I know the coal mines like the back of my hand,
I know when the tide is out or lapping the sand,
Oh, oh, oh all this I know
But I don't know when I'll see her again.

Karl Smitherman © 2013

If you're a One Direction fan here is a cover I did of there song written by Ed Sheeran 'Little Things' let me know what you think?
My lack of computer skills wouldn't allow me to add the video to the page so I supplied the link :-)
http://youtu.be/-zg_O0ZU9Rs

If you want regular updates on my music please follow either my Facebook page, Twitter profile, Youtube page or my Instagram. You can write to me at romanibeaumusic@yahoo.co.uk or through Facebook.
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Willow Lake

Everyone has their own story...that line has been running rings around my head recently. We each have our own set of beliefs, opinions and experiences which shape our lives. It's only when we are old and grey that we will look back and realise who we have become, it seems we go through life trying to find ourselves and after a few months of breaking through and becoming content another wave of creativity comes along and we rebrand ourselves. However, we don't really rebrand do we? We still enjoy that coffee in the morning, the same series of novels and the same genre of music.

I was always old fashioned in my ways, I remember as a child thinking that when I grew up I'd have a wife with two children, one girl and one boy. We'd have a cottage in the country with red ivy growing up the slanted walls, and a chimney which would constantly churn out smoke in the midst of winter. My views on the house stayed the same, but the wife and the children changed. There was never really a point in life when realising I was gay came as a shock and a smack in the face, it fizzled in and out of my mind depending on my interests at the time (by interests I mean music, school etc rather than girls and boys). I came to accept it more with each string of hopeful romance until eventually you had to admit it to yourself.

I'd like to think of myself as a songwriter, or rather lyricist, my lack of knowledge with a musical intruments ruining that dream for me. I guess you could say songwriter with enough understanding of the guitar to write songs, but who leaves it to the professionals to make it individual. Seen as the musician in me is my weaker side I tend to focus more on the lyrics of a song. I found the name Willow Lake in a book shop and immediatly scribbled it down on my phone knowing that I could get a song from it. After the title is secure on paper/napkin/phone the next things race through my mind, what is the song about? where is it set? whose point of view is the song from? and can I relate to it? If no then the song usually doesn't get finished due to a lack of drive or sometimes knowledge but nearly every song I write is somehow drawn from my past or a fantasy of my future, or sometimes someone elses.

The end product produced was a simple song about a reunion between to lovers after a summer romance, a relationship between two men that was cut short due to a meddling father. Writing this now I'm already wondering if the song is to opinionated to be performed, the lines describing the male/male love are discreet so probably not, but you never know when the occasional clever clogs is in the audience and boos you off stage. It's sometimes a shame that for a moment we can't all stop and listen to each others stories, some as true as they were the day they happened, some a bit exaggerated and some so far from the truth that they're more like folk tales.

Verse 1

Hello stranger how have you been,

It's been so long since I've seen you,

Guess you've changed some,

I'm a fool to think you'd stay the same.

I remember how we'd spend,

Summer hols and our weekends,

Down on Willow Lake,

In your arms I felt so safe.

I saw each curve within your flesh,

As I watched you undress,

Then we'd steal away,

For a while beneath the shade.

Build

But your Dad he was the law,

Said you can't see me no more,

If you did you're out the door.

Chorus

Steal me away and take, me back to Willow Lake,

With your cold beer and me sipping lemonade.

When the Sun was high, in that big blue sky,

We thought we had it made, down on Willow Lake.

Verse 2

Lets stop a while lets talk the past,

Have you found someone at last,

When's the wedding set,

Does your Dad he know yet?

Do you still drive that banged up car?

Do you still get dressed in the dark?

Do you memories take,

You back to Willow Lake.

Build 2

But your Dad he know the law,

It's in Sodom and Gomorrah,

So you left me for the Lord.

Chorus

Steal me away and take, me back to Willow Lake,

With your cold beer and me sipping lemonade.

When the Sun was high, in that big blue sky,

We thought we had it made, down on Willow Lake.

Mid 8-

And when it's time for you to leave,

You turn around and say to me,

There's been no one of late,

Just you, me and Willow Lake.

Chorus

Steal me away and take, me back to Willow Lake,

With your cold beer and me sipping lemonade.

When the Sun was high, in that big blue sky,

Didn't we had it made, down on Willow Lake.

End

Karl Smitherman © 2013

Here's a video of my rewritten version of 'If I were a little sparrow' I performed this for a charity event at St Saviours, Guildford to raise awareness to stop trafficking.

If you want regular updates on my music please follow either my Facebook page, Twitter profile, Youtube page or my Instagram. You can write to me at romanibeaumusic@yahoo.co.uk or through Facebook.
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May God Bless Our Love

I was hoping to get this song recorded and placed on the internet by valentines day but due to sickness we weren't able to record it. I really struggle to write positive love songs, like I've said before I prefer the old songs of lament. I have scribbled a number of songs which I written for valentines but this was one of the only ones I was happy with. The idea came after hearing someone say the title somewhere, little did I know at the time that a song of the same title had already been recorded. The songs concept talks of a love that's forever changing and along the way the couple are asking for help and consent from The Lord to keep them together. When writing the song I was picturing the type of words which would want to be heard at a wedding and also the type of love which I suppose the majority of people are after. I can't think of anything else to write at the moment, short and sweet. Enjoy!


Feel free to comment on your thoughts or share my blog etc I'd be very very very happy.

Verse 1

Let me be there when your hair turns silver

Let us grow old in our ways together,

As young as we are today,

With you I want to see through the change.

Together the house will fall around us

And we’ll repair as and when we must,

Along all of this we’ll ask from above

For a helping hand may God bless our love.

Bridge

In fairness, in respect and in all things the best

May be bless our love until we’re put to rest.

Chorus

Until death do us part, until the stars

Refuse to shine for you, for you.

Verse 2

The years will see us through thick and thin,

When it’s said aloud or kept within

But I know we will forget and forgive

When the worst is said the best we’ll relive.

When we were young we hit the dance floor,

We’ll retire with the anniversary waltz

And even then we’ll test out luck

With a helping hand may God bless our love.

Bridge

In honour and in trust, in giving and in touch,

May he bless our love until it proves too much.

Chorus

Until death do us part, until the stars

Refuse to shine for you, for you.

Bridge

In words and in time, in your service and in mine,

May he bless our love until the great divide.

Chorus

Until death do us part, until the stars

Refuse to shine for you, for you.

Tag

Let me be there when your hair turns silver

Let us grow old in our ways together.

Karl Smitherman © 2013

If you haven't yet checked out my music video for my first (second) blog feel free to do so, plus feel free to let me know what you think!!

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Hell's Corner

Hello, and a Happy New Year to all. I hope all is well with everyone and if not I hope it gets a bit better. 'Hell's Corner' seems a depressing title to start the New Year with but it's really a song about home and an appreciation for simple things. The title came to me a while back when watching a few documentaries on Kent during W.W.2. Apart from London, Kent was the second most attacked place in the UK due to it's close port from Dover to France, a picture I found on the internet shows a battle scene taking place over the white cliffs of Dover. The image below looks pretty horrid hence why Kent was given the name Hell's Corner.















Charles Peers, R.O.I 1941 (http://www.kenthistoryforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=11817.0)

The song is filled with bliss from my childhood, in the summer me and my brothers and sisters would go to Tonge Pond. The pond was a converted Mill and we'd spend our time paddling in the waters. We'd also see who the bravest of us was by defying our Dads words and jumping full bodied in the water. Next to our primary school was a small bank which stood a large tree which held a strong rope to make a swing. After school we would line up and take turns on the swing until our Mum came and picked us up, always late and with a bag full of sweets. I always found (and have noticed since moving from home) that the people there are very limited in what they want in life, that's not a bad thing, they are the most humblest and grounded people I know and would bend over backwards for anyone they cared for. This thought gave birth to the line "your feet they fit your shoes ok" implying that you weren't to big for your boots. The sad thing was at the time I was living this way I never appreciated what I had, I always had in mind that I wanted to be famous and dreamed of a massive house with a massive pool.  The simple life wasn't good enough for me, we were so limited in variety of clothing when growing up that I used to think I was dressed up if I had a tracksuit with matching top and bottoms. I was always too scared to step out of my comfort zone for fear I wasn't good enough and a lot of the times I relied on somebody to do it for me. I appreciate the day my headmaster dragged me into the office of the lady who worked in the further educations department and tried getting me to go to uni, no matter how many tables I hid under, how many walls I ran behind and how many alternate routes I took round the college she got me out of there and helped getting me on to the road, so cheers for that!!

Anyway enough ramblings on about childhood memories. Musically I'm still recording, I'm hoping to put the music video to 'Man of Kent' up by the end of the week and I have a gig at the end of the month which all are welcome to...

The address is Kiss The Sky, 18-20 Park Road, Crouch End, N8 7EB, come down for some bare, stripped back, old fashioned acoustic music and as in the words of blog no27...."Follow me to the stage".

Verse 1

Little country house on a little country corner,

Dirt track next to the ol' pond water

A place to cool when the sun got warm a

Little bit of heaven on hell's corner.

There's something I love 'bout the old country way

When you say what you want and mean what you say,

No hard feelings on the next day

And your feet they fit your shoes ok.

Build

Money to spare was always scarce,

We never got if we never worked hard,

It sometimes kept us awake at night,

Alright, we were alright.

Chorus

Bang, bang over the land of Kent,

Hell's Corner was heaven sent,

Never would I replace,

The way which I was born and raised,

Though sometimes I wish I'd fly away...

Verse 2

To an eight roomed house with a twelve car drive,

A room to myself and money for style,

A silver spoon to eat Mamas pie,

Country morals with a dandy life.

Buils (trial)

Would that take away from the simple things?

A rope wrapped around the arm of a tree,

We'd fly down the banks on a homemade swing,

We'd fly, how we'd fly...

Chorus

Bang, bang over the land of Kent,

Hell's Corner was heaven sent,

Never would I erase,

The way which I was born and raised,

Now I'm gonw I wish I'd fly away...

Repeat verse 1

To that little country house on a little country corner,

Dirt track next to the ol' pond water

A place to cool when the sun got warm a

Little bit of heaven on hell's corner.

Little bit of heaven on hell's corner,

There's a little bit of heaven on hell's corner.

Karl Smitherman © 2013

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Second Year Round/Star up in the East (Christmas songs)

I thought I'd put both the Christmas songs I have written this year up now because I doubt I'd have chance for another year. Both the songs are not finished they are rough drafts which I'm not completely satisfied with, but I knew if I don't put them up now then I'd completely forget about them.
The first song 'Second Year Round' is about going through a break up with someone the year gone and having to celebrate the season without them though you still love them. I like to add traditional song elements into my Christmas songs because they make it have that old time feeling. 'Silent Night' is the song referred to in here, though I believe the original song was written after a few days piece between two opposite countries in World War 2, the meaning of the title is altered and now refers to loneliness.
'The Star up in the East' is told from the three wisemens' point of view when travelling to meet Jesus after hearing from an angel that the saviour is about to be born. It talks about putting your faith in the Lord by using the star for guidance instead of a map. It also mentions the gifts they bring for the Jesus and what they represent. I got inspired to write this song when watching a documentary called 'The Star of Bethlehem' I found the documentary really inspiring and recommend it. I'm not sure if all my facts are right because after watching the programme I did a bit of my own research and found different interpretations for the event, for example in what direction the star rose from. So forgive me if my facts are wiry.

Second Year Round

Verse
Can I dance with you please?
I'm tired of dancing with your memory
6 months is that all it's been?

6 months before the Christmas tree
Went up in the house where we used to be
Now I can't say it's been easy

Build
Turn back time
Rebind the bind
Won't you be so kind

Chorus
Silent night, lonely night
Turn off the world, put out the lights
Everyday your gone I count
I'm loving you for the second year round.

Verse 2
Did you get the card I sent
Or have you changed your address again
The words I wrote I really meant

Build 2
Put back the clocks
Unlock the locks
All is not lost

Chorus
Silent night, lonely night
Turn off the world, put out the lights
Everyday your gone I count
I'm loving you for the second year round.


Deleted verse-
Simple songs and candlesticks
Cannot compete with last year
But can you say just what that is.


The Star up in the East

Chorus
No we didn't need a map to guide us on our feet
Just a message from the Heavens and a star up in the East
Frank, Gold and Myrrh are the gifts we bring
If we keep on the track of the star up in the East.

Verse 1
We three Kings are from the east ourselves
We each saw the star rise above the hill.
The King of all kings is soon to arrive
Get the provisions we need and run to the night.

Chorus
No we didn't need a map to guide us on our feet
Just a message from the Heavens and a star up in the East
Frank, Gold and Myrrh are the gifts we bring
If we keep on the track of the star up in the East.
It will show us the way on the cliffs through the bay
Though he's born in the hay oh the saviour will save.

Verse 2
The gold we bring is as bright as the star
for the King of the Earth is what you are.
Frankincense to prove your our Lord,
the Myrrh represents your rise from the cross.

Chorus
No we didn't need a map to guide us on our feet
Just a message from the Heavens and a star up in the East
Frank, Gold and Myrrh are the gifts we bring
If we keep on the track of the star up in the East.
It will show us the way on the cliffs through the bay
Though he's born in the hay oh the saviour will save.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

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Last Years Noel

Christmas is a time for tradition, and every family has their own tradition on this time of year. One of my favourite traditions since little has been the treasure hunt, each year my Step Mum would hide our presents somewhere around the house (or street), she'd also hide a handful of gold stars around the house and each of us children would get a rhyme/riddle which suggests where the star is. Each star contains a letter and once they are all found you arrange the letters to make a sentence which tells you where the presents are...pretty fun ay?? Other traditions are going to midnight mass with my Mum and lighting a candle for the family we have lost in the past, or our Dad picking us up and driving around the streets and towns to look at the Christmas lights. My older brothers and sisters would sneakily poke holes in their Christmas presents to see what they had long before the day arrived whilst Mums old tree would never stand straight and would rest slightly against the wall. Without a doubt Christmas is my favourite time of year and as I get older I have really laboured on these traditions and without them Christmas seems a bit weird. I guess my own private tradition since being a little boy was wishing Jesus a happy birthday, I don't think it is his birthday but the thought still counts. As each year goes by the presents mean less and less to me and the traditions become bigger. I cannot wait when settled to celebrate Christmas with in my own family, whether it be a spouse and a dog, or a spouse and a kid, or a loud mouthed group of nieces and nephews. Each year I intend on writing a Christmas song, last years song I got the opportunity to record which was 'Lonely this Year'. Unfortunately the songs came a bit late this year which meant I couldn't record them, but this song below talks about going home for Christmas and celebrating it rich in tradition.


Verse 1
Call up the Dad hitch us a ride,
Lets drive around town look at the lights,
For once the world is just as bright,
As the moon beside the stars in the sky.

Bring out the coats, pick out the scarves,
Put up the tree and send out the cards,
Count down the days, dig out a path,
Wake up each morning to the dark.

Chorus
This year I find I'm asking for home,
Where the season is merry and you're never alone,
The distant choir hark I hear and the church bells,
On Christmas Day on last years Noel.

Verse 2
We'd huddle around the fires glow,
Gather thistle paint them gold,
Long for someone's arms to hold
and pray for the chance to wake to snow.

 Chorus
This year I find I'm asking for home,
Where the people are friendly, it's been so long and
The distant choir hark I hear and the church bells,
On Christmas Day on last years Noel.

Verse 3/Mid 8
Christmas eve is ending fast,
We light a candle after Mass,
For all those we've lost to the past
And a sad comforting glow is cast.

 Chorus
This year I find I'm asking for home,
Where the trees is half standing and the presents half opened.
The distant choir hark I hear and the church bells,
On Christmas Day on last years Noel.

Karl Smitherman ©

I don't remember if I mentioned this in the last blog, but my new song and first EVER music video is being released on Boxing Day...my gift to you!!! :-D it's called 'Man of Kent' which I think was the first song I wrote about, I believe its Blog 2 if you're interested.



Below is last years Chritsmas song 'Lonely this Year'...

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I found Christ today

Since moving to Guildford the Cathedral has been a place of prayer for me, I've only recently realised just how many times I have ventured up there to seek answers, comfort etc. I wrote the majority of this song in that place. I remember visiting it regularly in the summer, at that point I was quite low, quite angry, but no one would have guest because a lot of the time I am able to keep my emotions inside and battle them out on my own. It takes a lot for me to express what I am feeling, even my closest of friends don't get to see that side of me, and those that do I guess it means that I really appreciate their presence in my life and look up to them in some way.

I can't tell you how many times I have walked into the Cathedral feeling like the gypsy from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, was I truly accepted in religion? they say God loves all and I agree with that, but at the point of my death being what I am will he let me enter into the gates of heaven? When praying I had so much that I had to say to God but rather than being angry all my self doubt, anger and sadness that I had harboured over the past few months melted into peace and all I felt was contentment. I believe in that moment some sort of presence came to me and wanted me to know that everything would be ok and that I've no need to worry. After prayer I wrote about three quarters of this song and put it down for a couple of months:

I only thought to pick the song up and completed it when the other day I watched a documentary titled "For the Bible tells me so..." which was about proper religious families in Southern America and how they dealt with their children coming out as gay, the documentary really shook me up, some of the footage was so disturbing. I walked away feeling vulnerable and emotional, but it then made me count my blessings for those that had truly accepted me in the Christian community. I had realised for the first time how hard or awkward it must have been for me to walk in in all my hair and gaudiness and for them to take the time (the actual time not just a brief conversation or two) to get to know me and understand me...all that weakness I had just encountered had transfigured into strength and courage and they not knowing this had really cemented my stability in the church and for that I would always be grateful...I guess people are put in our lives for reasons and to teach us lessons and those that manage to do that remain gold dust in our lives and I guess have somehow rooted themselves into our spiritual growth.

So here is the song which I was so inspired to write in the Cathedral and had meant to finish a while back...although I am stuck on the last part of the chorus. I really don't know whether to put "Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am WHOLE or HOME??? I put 'whole' in just because it's what came to me first, which one do you think suits it best? help? 

Verse 1

I found Christ today and there he found me,

Sitting in the altar like a game of hide and seek,

I felt the weight I held removed from my soul,

I felt the doors to hell shudder as they closed.

Verse 2

I found Christ today and he took the time to stay,

He made me feel at home like I was welcome in my faith.

I found him in the bible then I found him in the seats,

I found him in the altar then I found him in me.

Chorus

Rising like the sun sitting on the mountain peak,

I struggled to understand but he understood me,

He lifted up my spirit, He lifted up my soul,

Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am whole.

Verse 3

I found Christ today, he washed away my stains,

He wiped away my tears, from within he wiped the pain.

He left a little scar to remind me I am his.

Then I bowed my head, then my brow he kissed.

Verse 4

I found Christ today, He sent me on the road

'Cos I shouldn't need these bricks to make me feel like I am home,

I shouldn't need the temple, I shouldn't need the stone,

I only needed him and only him alone.

Chorus

Rising like the sun sitting on the mountain peak,

I struggled to understand but he understood me,

He lifted up my spirit, He lifted up my soul,

Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am whole.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, llelujah I am whole.

Karl Smitherman 2012 ©

p.s. me and my amazing friend Jessamine Cera are working on a music video for my song 'Man of Kent' here is a little still from the video...

And here is the lyric write up and work sheet in which the song 'I found Christ today' was written on...

Outtakes-

"I found Christ today needing him so tenderly, I was lost but now found, was bound but now free"

"The light shone through the windows and there unto me, and there I felt brand new again a child of thee"

"I found Christ today and there he found me, a boy with ruby lips, golden hair and now a soul set free"

"I felt like I was riding high, the whole world at my feet"

"And all at once The Lord came down and reached for my soul, now I've no fear of who I am and where I am to go, and all at once Jesus whispers soft and low and there I felt the comfort and the possibility to float"

What's strange is that any one of these lyrics could have altered the meaning and story behind the song...

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If I were a Little Sparrow (redraft)

I've been working on this song recently with a friend, the usual process when writing a song is that I write the lyrics and basic chords and then some magnificent musician gets creative and makes the song sound bliss. This song has been a hard one to capture we've been battling between piano and guitar in trying to find the right sound which we think we may have found by settling with the piano. It's funny because I have always been a guitar person who likes the subtle sound of the finger picked strings over what I thought was a dominant piano, but recently I've found the piano to have a soft solemn sound which is perfectly captured in this song. I remember a while before working on the music for the song the musician helping with it once read the lyrics and didn't like the final verse so when they decided to arrange it I had to quickly whip up in ten minutes another two verses, one of which was an alternation of the original.
As I wrote this song based on an old folk song I've been trying to work out what the song means for me. The conclusion being that the sparrow is a symbol for freedom as it can take off whenever it wants to, in verse 1 it flies home for comfort, in verse 2 it snatches its lover a flies away with it. Verse 3 finds the sparrow searching the world (with no thought for money) for their lover and the final verse is slightly different in that it addresses the listener and warns them against the person who once mistreated them. The narrator addresses the sparrow by asking them to send a message to their loved one letting them know they are alive, is this because the narrator wants the lover to know that they can survive without them? or are they praying for the lover to return and spare a thought for them? what do you think??

If I were a little sparrow I would fly south,
I would roll in my Mama's arms and rid me of this hell
But I'm not a little sparrow and neither can I fly,
If I loved you better would you still be mine?

If I were a little sparrow here's what I would do,
I would wrap you in my arms and fly away with you
But I'm not a little sparrow and I loved you more than true,
I loved you more than needed but you needed someone new.

If I were a little sparrow I'd fly away o'er the hills
And if I couldn't find you I'd search until I will
I'm not a little sparrow and I cannot fly home,
Now that you have left me there is no skin to my bone.

If I were a little sparrow I'd warn you not to be fooled
By the eyes that say they love you 'cos they don't love you at all
So flutter in flight little sparrow, take off away to the sky
And if you see my loved one would you tell them I am alive.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

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My Achilles

I've always been fascinated with Greek Mythology and as I've mentioned in my previous posts I have recently been into the poems of Oscar Wilde and Lord Byron, if you have a spare second I recommend looking up some of their works especially Byron's 'The Tear' or Wilde’s ‘Under the Balcony’. I’ve found when reading their material that when talking of heartbreak they tend not to be so discreet about who the poem is about or the details involved, whereas in a song I feel you have to gloss over your message to make it more commercial. So I thought I'd conjure up one titled 'Achilles', this poem does not pay homage to Achilles himself but instead to someone who in their own way reminded me of him.

There is so much mugginess around the story of Patroclus and Achilles, some say that they were friends, some say cousins some even lovers. Of course being gay I've opted for the bromance!! Supposedly Achilles was almost invulnerable and the only way to kill him was his heel, hence the saying "Achilles heel". There was a time within the Trojan War where Achilles refused to fight and it was only when Patroclus was murdered by the opposite party that he took up his sword and shield and rode high and mighty into the battle field which unfortunately led to his death. The film 'Troy' suggests that Patroclus disguised himself as Achilles to protect him, you may notice I have chosen to stick to this version when writing the poem.

Patroclus's death supposedly drove Achilles mad, as did Hephaestions death to Alexander the Great. In the poem itself the narrator is aware of the effect that Patroclus' and Hephaestions' death had upon their 'lovers' so begs his own lover to forget him and not avenge his death as he feels that he is doomed to die like Hephaestion and Patroclus, before his great lover. The narrator is also terrified of his man going down the same path of self destruction that Achilles and Alexander went to, eventually leading to their deaths. The ending of the poem is no less tragic than the Greek tragedies in that either way the narrator is doomed for sadness, he either has to live without his love or has to die and watch his love die too. Unlike the original Achillies the battle is not a blood thirsty war but instead one between family and religion...perhaps the lover (Achilles) knows that if he is to live his life with the narrator he will be abandoned by his family and religion.

Oh my Achilles day and night,

My will to live my constant mind

Let us forever lay apart,

Let our bed lay cold in the dark.

You could keep me safe from harm,

With your bow and steady arms,

But that would make you less a man,

Forget my name and if you can...

Do not let me be your heel,

But let me be your sword and shield,

Let me be your sacrifice

Who gave you up to live your life

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

Cos you’ll be cut from your family tree.

Our battle is not of sword and spear,

But of birth and blood and holiness.

It’s goodbye to them or goodbye to me,

So keep them safe and let that be.

I refuse to be your burden carried,

Let me be the one to watch you marry,

My Achilles strong and proud,

Golden hair and lips so round

Oh my Achilles or Alexander,

As your name does say you are,

Let the prophecy stay strong,

That I must die and you live on.

Like Patroclus took your ‘name’,

So his love could become so great,

Let this parting we have made,

Keep you sound and bring you fame.

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

For we both must die if we can be.

You’re my Achilles not by words,

But by look and stature and still I thirst,

For you to live life to the full,

Without the constant ridicule

You’re my Achilles not the man

Who once could kill with his bare hands,

And still you are the highest of highs,

My evening star, my morning light.

So like Patroclus was put to death,

If you need me I’ll be there,

But till that day my solemn prince,

My warrior, I beg you, live.

And don’t avenge my cruelly death,

If you’re Achilles I’m Patroclus,

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

If you do you will die to.

Don’t fight for me, don’t fight for me,

You’re now a prince soon to be King.

If I were your Patroclus and you my Achilles,

I know for sure you’d fight for me, I know for sure you’d fight for me.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

Forever Gone

I've often found that my style of writing changes depending on the type of things I am reading at the time. Recently I have been reading a lot of poetry, as you may have noticed whilst reading 'In the Lap of the Mountain'. I love the works or Byron, Whitman and Wilde. I always love the songs/poems of lament and loss and that's why I enjoy all the old traditional folk songs like 'Danny Boy' and 'The Water is Wide'. When writing this piece I wrote it as a poem instead of a song. It speaks about being apart from your love but leaving them instructions to ways in which they can feel close to you. It also says how the narrator would rather suffer the pain which they are feeling now than never knowing what it would be like to be with their loved one.

Though your hands shall never/ touch my tender face,

No finger can discover /what they cannot replace.

The arms I taught to hold me/ throughout the coolest nights

Shall no more console me/and shall be out of sight

Oh darling don’t forget me/ you said upon a time,

No one could ever replace me/ I was the first of my kind.

My arm shall be the duvet/ the pillow be my chest,

So linger on a lifetime/ and lay ye down to rest.

Yes lay down all your burdens/ and hang up all your hopes

Lift them to the sun light/ and send them up to float,

And even in the dark say or/ breath my name in sigh

For I do feel the same way/ and do the same do I.

I whisper your name softly/ it’s all I've learnt to speak,

And when the light does hold me/ it hits the tear on my cheek,

And like a crown of diamonds/ my face shall forever shine,

And all this I endure for/ I knew once you were mine

It makes it all worthwhile/ and allows me to sustain

In each and every mile/it’s how I bare the rain

So assemble all the loneliness/ and drink it down in wine

And make believe this moment/ that once again you’re mine.

Karl Smitherman © 2012

The Stage

I've realised reading back on the blog that many of the topics have been utterly depressing so firstly would like to apologise if I have made you feel suicidal at any point. Today's song was originally meant to be a joke song between me and my friend. The song came about because whenever we would go down town for our regular coffee fixes we happened to stumble across the same man...literally without fail!! He is always dressed in his finery and swaggers up and down the highstreet. I have no idea where he goes, however, one day me and my friend were discussing what it is we believe he does and I had this image of him wanting to be a famous performer on the West End and having never received his big break strolls up and down the town in his most expensive clothes hoping some talent scout would find him and lead him to fame, and from there I wrote the song based on what I imagine his life to have been like.

I was so proud of this song once it was written because I thought at least I'd have one song in my set list which wasn't about me and which would have a funny story to tell. However reading the song back a few weeks later I realised that I have probably pretty much predicted my own future!! I already 'doll' myself up and ponce around the town, soon will be the failing of my career and I never tend to settle with child because of reasons of which the majority of people can guess!! and I also used to sing to people in the school playground before my Mum stopped me for embarrassing my brothers...that's what you get when your repertoire is Celine Dions 'My heart will go on' and the Spice Girl catalogue.

Luring myself out of my depression I honestly believe anyone can make it in what they want to achieve, I've come to learn and have yet to take action in putting your neck on the line and push yourself every step of the way, no matter how many bricks you shit!! For anyone who is interested and for those that ain't I am recording some songs at the moment for some EPs, some have already been written up in the blog, they are 'Gypsy', 'Prettiest Thing in Town', 'In the Lap of the Mountain', 'Man of Kent' and 'Into the Night' if you have a moment please read back on past posts you may find yourself laughing at my misfortunes which will then make your day!!

Here's a quick story which will confirm my theory of the poor man. One evening once the song was written I was walking home at about 11 at night and saw him dancing along the street miming some song to himself. This is the Gods honest truth but we gotta love the dreamers!!

Verse 1
When I was a child I used to pretend
That the sun was my spotlight, the stage was the shed.
I'd climb to the top, though my knees were grazed
I didn't care, I belonged to the stage.

I'd pick and I'd sing my favourite hymn
When someone would walk by, the louder I'd sing.
I'd act out a play which I'd memorized for days,
I knew some day they'd take me to the stage.

Build
I dreamed of the lights and I dreamed of the stage,
though it never took of the dream it still stayed...

Chorus
Now I walk round the town day after day
In my finest of clothes, in my brightest of gowns.
Hoping someone will say you're right for the part
I will give you the fame, follow me to the stage.

Verse 2
No I never married, I hadn't the time
And I never settled with no children of mine.
I wanted such greatness and someday I knew
That the harder I worked then my dreams would come true.

Build
My reflection withered from the times they've made me fall
With all the auditions saying it's you we will call...

Chorus

Now I walk round the town day after day
In my finest of clothes, in my brightest of gowns.
Hoping someone will say you're right for the part
I will give you the fame, follow me to the stage.


Karl Smitherman © 2012

Him (draft)

Hi guys,
Long time no speak...I'm so sorry, I've just moved house and am battling with no internet for a whole month!!

I warn you strong opinionated buggers now to not read this blog it's a sensitive issue tonight!!

I thought this would be the perfect song to start the blog up again with, 'Him'. I remember conjuring up the song title some 7 years ago when I planned on taking lyric writing seriously. The song was originally meant to be a childhood autobiographical song which would give listeners/readers the 411 on me. I had planned to name my first EP/album 'Him' to represent the music coming from my life experiences. However the song lay dormant for a good 7 years until about 6 months ago when I was going through some hurting issues in my life and the song's basic formation literally poured out of me.  I remember sitting in my bedroom all glamoured up thinking "How did he not notice?, I wore my best for him tonight" and then "that would make a really good song lyric". The first verses came when I visited back home (Kent) in hopes to heal and get away from my woes (LOL sad but true).

The song talks about a gay man falling for a straight man...(awkward silence ay?). It then questions the basis of the relationship between the two people, is there a possibility? is it deemed a sin? etc. I have struggled a lot with coming to terms with Christianity and homosexuality. I've felt at times that I should try and force it out of me, then just as quick something slaps me and reminds me that God has made me this way and it's him I should be listening to, not other people. I'll happily hear others opinions on the subject but then I retreat to prayer and ask for guidance in the matter. I've come to the conclusion that God made me this way for a reason and that he has set me a certain task in my life. It's in situations like the song (Him) speaks of when I want nothing more than to hurl anger at God for putting me in a situation where 'nothing' could come from it, but then once the situation is overcome it's so easy to see what you gained from it and why you had to go through it. I admit the topic is not that graceful and I am far from being the perfect being, trying to get someone's attention by 'dressing your best' is something I always thought a bit degrading (depending on what you wear) yet I found myself doing it!! Don't!!

I've only recently realised that being gay was nothing to be ashamed of, so many times I've been put in the most awkward situations where somebody asks the most blunt and random questions and all I have to offer is the truth. I was never good at telling lies, ever since my Step-dad told me he hates liars I had always been bad at it. I hope this answers a few questions for some or opens minds for others, sorry for the awkwardness but sometimes that's just life.

I've called this the draft because there are some parts which I'm not to sure about but I've decided to sit with them for some time and evaluate them later and see if I like them.

p.s. I added some lyrics at the bottom of the song which didn't make it into the 'final' version.

Verse 1
I give him the eye, he smiles
For he knows what hides behind,
Yet he knows he can't return
My love, he's sorry for fanning the burn.

I see him and no one around him
In my dreams I've kissed and felt him
Oh the pain when I awake
Oh the shame the next day

Chorus
I wore my best for him tonight,
In hopes that he might change his mind,
But he don't need me and it's getting plane to tell
You can give him what he want's but you cannot create the spell.
When the urge proves to strong
And I want him in my arms
Is it a sin to love him?

Verse 2
But he won't share his love with me,
He's planned his wife and family
How can I live up to those things?
If only I could make him see

That I can give the love he wants
Lets compensate away my faults
If he made the sacrifice
Could I keep him satisfied?

Chorus 2
I wore my best for him tonight,
In hopes that he might change his mind,
But he don't need me and it's getting plane to tell
You can give him what he wants but he'll run off with someone else.
When the urge proves to strong
And I want him in my arms
Is it a sin to love him?

Mid 8
And I want him to love me for all of his life,
with passion and romance with fire and fight.
The window light that I would leave alight for him.
Would lure him close and lead him in.

Chorus 3
I wore my best for him tonight,
In hopes that he might change his mind,
But he don't need me and it's getting plane to tell
You can give him what he wants but he will still put you through hell.
But when the time comes along
and I've the chance to take him home
Is it a sin to love him?

Lyrical outtakes-

Middle 8
(If only he wasn't so tough, would he speak of his love)

(I want him to love me all of his life, to keep me warm throughout the night)

Verse
(Let's forget about what they say, don't shy away or feel afraid)

(Don't shy away or feel afraid, I am here you will be ok)

(If you were mine it would feel the space, but would it take me from my faith)

(If he were mine and I were his...)

Karl Smitherman © 2012, published 10/09/2012

New Ground

There will always come a time in life when change will happen no matter how much you are against it. Recently I've been struggling in keeping up with life, I've found myself nostalgic for the past. I've just finished uni, had people come and go, am moving house whilst trying to make money and so on. Ever so slowly I have been accepting the change. The title for the song came a few months back and I really didn't know how to approach the song, I tried loosely writing different phrases to see if I liked anything but didn't. Then yesterday I went to 'the mount' a massive hill that looks over Guildford, there I felt that I opened up to God and knew that I should embrace the change as he will be with me. Whilst walking in the same place today there was a downpour of rain and I felt as if I was being cleansed, the things I was holding onto I was able to let go of. So I thought I should mention rain in the song...just to show my appreciation to God. It also gave me the opening verse. The rest of the song talks about being afraid but knowing the change has to be made and also releasing all the bad things and people in your life and starting fresh.

Verse 1
There's only so long you can hold back the rain
before the world starts to die, dry and break.
Stood in one place when it's time for a change
Can get you behind or lead you astray.

Chorus
I bid you farewell, I bid you so long,
I'm picking up, yes I'm moving on.
There's only so long when what's lost can be found.
I've waited it out so I'm treating new ground.

Verse 2
Being unprepared is what it's all about,
a little scared? or a little in doubt?
but the element of surprise is high on rise,
say a prayer, retreat somewhere, make a change in your life.


Chorus
I bid you farewell, I bid you so long,
I'm picking up, yes I'm moving on.
There's only so long when what's lost can be found.
Knowing when not knowing how I'm treading new ground.

Mid 8
It's time for the closure, I'm making way for the end.
I've waisted my time, I'm starting again.


Chorus
I bid you farewell, I bid you so long,
I'm picking up, yes I'm moving on.
There's only so long when what's lost can be found.
Starting fresh, starting now I'm treading new ground.

Karl Smitherman © 2012